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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Study Finds Swans Only Other Animals Who Mate For Few Years, Get Scared, End Things, Then Regret It

ATHENS, GA—Revealing how closely the waterfowl’s social behavior resembles that of humans, a study released Thursday by the University of Georgia has found that swans are the only other members of the animal kingdom that mate for a few years, get scared, decide to end things, and are later filled with immense regret. “Although most animals either procreate freely or select a single partner with which to mate for life, we observed that swans, like humans, get freaked out about their relationship after an extended period of time together, abruptly call things off, and then come to realize they made a huge mistake,” avian biologist Michael Brooks told reporters, noting that both humans and swans typically grow increasingly dissatisfied with their romantic partner following a particularly monotonous period of feeding and nesting before panicking and concluding that they’re just not ready to settle down. “While a swan that separates from its partner will inevitably determine that this impulsive decision was foolish, by the time the bird comes to this realization, its former companion has already met someone new and is very, very happy.” Researchers also noted that only humans and swans enter a painful spiral of regret over their lost relationship and then compulsively mate with several partners in a futile effort to recapture what they once had.

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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

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