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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Study: Floating Heap Of Trash Now Ocean’s Apex Predator

SANTA BARBARA, CA—Noting that no marine species posed a threat and the total domination of its habitat, a study released Wednesday by researchers at the University of California, Santa Barbara revealed that the floating mass of trash known as the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is now the ocean’s apex predator. “We examined various aquatic food chains from top to bottom and determined that no other species comes close to challenging the garbage patch’s supremacy in the northern Pacific Ocean,” said Dr. Rebecca Corson, adding that the Texas-sized expanse of discarded plastics and chemical sludge easily displaced such large carnivores as the tiger shark and orca whale from their former place atop the marine pecking order. “The garbage patch can thrive in every ocean climate and devours whatever is in its path, whether it is plants, animals, or thousands of discarded styrofoam takeout containers.” Corson added that at the current rate of growth, the buoyant mass of marine debris would surpass humans as earth’s most dominant force by 2045.

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