Study: Major Shift In Media Landscape Occurs Every 6 Seconds

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Vol 49 Issue 49

Saints vs. Panthers

The Panthers battle the Saints in a game that will certainly come down to one bullshit call. Onion Sports examines what each team must do to win. 

Onion Sports’ NFL Week 14 Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week 14 games: Texans at Jaguars OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Jaguars – Following a disappointing 27-20 loss, Texans owner...

Inconsiderate Woman On Bus Eating Live Tuna

PORTLAND, ME—Passengers on the No. 5 bus expressed frustration today as an inconsiderate fellow rider began openly consuming her lunch of a live, violently flopping Atlantic bluefin tuna.

8th Grader Caked In Makeup Probably Really Confident

A slow-witted conspiracy theorist is convinced the government is behind NASA, the grisly remains of 15 hobbits is discovered in Peter Jackson's attic, and a cool guy from middle school is still sporting his phat pair of JNCOS.

New Attractive Person Comes To Nation’s Attention

LOS ANGELES—With well-groomed hair, symmetrical facial features, and appealing anatomical proportions, a new attractive person captured the nation’s interest this week, joining the ranks of all others who are considered extremely good-looking ...

Lawsuit Seeks Human Rights For Chimps

Borrowing rhetoric from the anti-slavery movement, a lawsuit filed in New York on behalf of four captive chimpanzees seeks to recognize chimps as legal persons with a limited right to liberty, which would prohibit them from being kept as pets or used in b...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Study: Major Shift In Media Landscape Occurs Every 6 Seconds

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—A study published Tuesday by Rutgers University’s Center for Media Studies reported that a major shift in the media landscape occurs approximately once every six seconds, confirming that the way information is transmitted and received in our culture is radically altered over 10 separate times in one minute. “Based on our research, we can now confirm that in the span of just one day, the conventions of the media as we know it will transform thousands of times, with over 800 reinventions of the rules of journalism in the digital age, 450 completely new ways of looking at how news is disseminated, 900 shifts in the way people and media institutions interact and share information, and 8,000 game-changing technological breakthroughs that will forever change how the word ‘media’ itself is defined,” said Professor of Media Studies Roger Scherer, noting that the study did not account for the 64 total paradigm shifts in the media landscape that have occurred in the hours since its release. “We also know that every four seconds, new social trends cause the rise of new spheres of global interaction, which we all—every single one of us—must adapt to within minutes.” A follow-up study later confirmed that this article, the social media site used to access this article, and the person reading this article are all part of a vastly outdated mode of communication.

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