PRINCETON, NJ—According to a groundbreaking new study published Thursday in The Journal Of Natural And Applied Sciences, people who are far away from you are actually not, as once thought, physically smaller than you.
The five-year study, conducted by researchers at Princeton University, has shattered traditionally accepted theories that people standing some distance away from you are very small, and people close-by are very big.
“The data was irrefutable in demonstrating that when someone standing directly in front of you begins walking away, their body does not, as previously assumed, gradually shrink before eventually disappearing entirely,” said Dr. David Pinard, lead author of the study. “Rather, our findings indicate that they maintain their original size regardless of how tiny they may appear.”
“Indeed, people who are far away may, in actuality, be larger than you are,” Pinard added.
Pinard explained to reporters that through the use of highly accurate computerized measurement systems and advanced cameras capable of photographing test subject at a rate of 2,500 frames per second, researchers were able to disprove the long-held presumption that one is able to physically alter the size and stature of any person by moving either closer or further away from them.
Pinard also confirmed that one’s vertical distance from another person likewise had no measurable effect on that person’s size, and that people on the street are not, in fact, the size of ants when you look down from the top of a tall building.
“In what was probably our most telling experiment, we positioned two 5-foot-10-inch tall male subjects opposite one another at a distance of approximately 800 feet,” said Pinard. “We found that, though appearing no more than 4 centimeters in size to their respective counterpart, each subject remained at their original height of 5-feet and 10-inches at all times. In the next phase of the trial, the subjects began walking toward each other, and again, the results indicated that they were not growing taller and taller at exponential rates with every step, but instead once again remained at a constant height of 5 feet and 10 inches, with absolutely no variation in physical stature.”
“The experiment was further complicated when the two began walking toward one another at the same time,” Pinard added. “But after several hundred trials, we eventually concluded that a person, in fact, does not grow or shrink any faster depending upon the speed at which they move closer or further from you. In fact, as with our previous findings, we determined that they do not grow or shrink at all.”
The study has reportedly been met with some fierce criticism from both the general public and those within the scientific community, with several experts staunchly maintaining that not only do people get smaller when they move further away, but their voices also drastically diminish in volume to the point that they can no longer speak.
Many critics also remain adamant that a person ceases to exist if they are no longer visible in your line of sight, or if you close your eyes.
To demonstrate his team’s findings, Pinard provided reporters with a visual diagram of two people, depicting their size at varying points of distance.
“As you can see from this image, subject A appears to be twice the size of subject B,” said Pinard, adding that researchers have yet to determine a cause for the inexplicable phenomenon. “However, as subject B moves closer, he does not, as it would otherwise appear, grow larger than subject A. He is, in fact, taller than subject A regardless of where he stands.”
“It is, of course, astonishing, but the evidence is indisputable,” added Pinard. “And furthermore, we actually now believe that two people walking side-by-side do not eventually merge into a single body once they reach a certain distance from you. However, we are still in the process of analyzing that data to make sure it is 100 percent conclusive.”
Pinard stressed to reporters that the new discovery only applies to human beings who are far away from you, as researchers have yet to test the theory on inanimate objects such as chairs, streetlights, park benches, cars, or buildings.
Pinard did confirm, however, that airplanes do indeed get infinitesimally smaller as they fly into the sky.