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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Study: Red Meat Takes Years Off Of Cow's Life

WASHINGTON—Confirming years of speculation, a new study from the U.S. Department of Agriculture's National Animal Health Monitoring System has found that red meat significantly increases the risk of premature death in cows. "Our research suggests that by having red meat, a cow's life can be shortened by as many as 10 years, sometimes more," Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack said in an interview with CNN Tuesday. "Unfortunately, in some cases, even just a single daily serving of red meat can hurt a cow's chances of surviving past the earliest stage of life." On a more positive note, researchers found that other high-protein foods like milk, cheese, and butter only decrease a cow's life by 7 to 9 years.

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