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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Study: Snapping Three Times Leading Way To Recall Movies, Actors

DURHAM, NC—According to a study published Tuesday in the Journal Of Neuroscience, snapping three times in rapid succession is the most effective method for remembering the names of films and actors that have slipped one's mind. "When denied access to IMDb, subjects who were able to correctly remember semi-obscure movie trivia invariably used the tri-snapping method," head researcher Dr. Ward Connell said of the study, which consisted of asking volunteers several questions pertaining to a photograph of Dermot Mulroney. "Secondary findings indicate that using the word 'um' and phrases such as 'oh, you know' enhance the efficacy of this method by nearly 35 percent, and those who used expletives were on average three times more successful." Additional evidence has suggested the snapping technique may be linked to the effectiveness of loudly narrating one's previous activities while attempting to find misplaced keys.

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