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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Study: Whites To Be Minority In Donaldson Family By 2027

AVONDALE, AZ—According to new projections released Monday, the white members of the Donaldson family are expected to find themselves in the minority by 2027. "Thanks to continued illegal immigration and increasing birth rates, the number of nonwhite ethnicities within the Donaldsons is expected to reach 18 percent by 2021," confirmed demographer Dr. James Lanier, who reached his projected figure soon after Juan proposed to Marcy in late March. "Once Grandma June finally passes, and Rich and Kim fly abroad to finalize their adoption, that number will spike even higher." Researchers also estimated the fastest growing population group among the Donaldsons would be Asians, due primarily to Kevin's dating habits.

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