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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Style For Men

Men's fashion choices are becoming increasingly more complex. Here are some tips to help you sort through the contradictory ideas you might have about what to wear:

  • Socks inside of shoes; it's that simple.
  • Your socks should match the color of your belt, which should match the color of your eyes, which should be brown.
  • If your mother is unavailable, be sure to always have an older female on hand ready to lick her thumb and clean off your mouth at a moment’s notice.
  • When dressing for an office party, always dress well enough to be promoted but not so well that they wouldn't feel bad about firing you.
  • When wearing a button-down shirt, it's important to leave it slightly open at the neck for a suave, casual effect, but not so open that others can see the top of the Van Halen logo on your T-shirt underneath.
  • Have you considered a smoking jacket? Good, don't.
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