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Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.

Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters?

As Election Day draws near and GOP candidate Donald Trump continues to retain a loyal supporter base, many wonder who these voters are and what motivates them. Here are some key facts to know

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Style For Men

Men's fashion choices are becoming increasingly more complex. Here are some tips to help you sort through the contradictory ideas you might have about what to wear:

  • Socks inside of shoes; it's that simple.
  • Your socks should match the color of your belt, which should match the color of your eyes, which should be brown.
  • If your mother is unavailable, be sure to always have an older female on hand ready to lick her thumb and clean off your mouth at a moment’s notice.
  • When dressing for an office party, always dress well enough to be promoted but not so well that they wouldn't feel bad about firing you.
  • When wearing a button-down shirt, it's important to leave it slightly open at the neck for a suave, casual effect, but not so open that others can see the top of the Van Halen logo on your T-shirt underneath.
  • Have you considered a smoking jacket? Good, don't.

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