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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Suburbanite Shocked By Poor Condition Of Urban Mall

DEER PARK, TX—Forced to pick up a pair of shoes from a Famous Footwear at Sharpstown Mall in Houston Monday, stay-at-home mother Linda Hendrikson, 31, was reportedly shocked by the mall's condition. "It was just so sad," Hendrikson said. "The floors were dirty, the shoes were in disarray, and there didn't seem to be any management. I just can't imagine what it would be like to shop under those conditions every day." Hendrikson said she has more sympathy for the plight of the city's poor after witnessing their mall firsthand.

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