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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Subway Releases Pool-Water-Soaked Sandwiches To Honor Michael Phelps' Retirement

MILFORD, CT—Subway officials announced Friday that for a limited time all sandwiches on their menu would be drenched in chlorinated pool water to celebrate the historic swimming career of U.S. Olympian Michael Phelps. "We thought the only way to honor Michael was to let his fans enjoy Subway sandwiches the way he eats them—completely sopping wet after swimming laps," said Subway president Fred DeLuca, adding that the water at all locations would be sourced locally from public pools. "Your heart is going to swell with American pride for Michael's amazing accomplishments every time you sink your teeth into a soggy Italian B.M.T. or a chlorine-flavored Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki." In recognition of Phelps' record 22 Olympic medals, DeLuca confirmed that the chain is only charging customers 22 cents for a second dunking of their sandwich in pool water.

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