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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Success Of Recent At Bat Inspires Justin Upton To Learn More About Hitting Capabilities Of Wood

PHOENIX—Observing the positive result achieved by using his bat to smash a baseball into left field, Diamondbacks right fielder Justin Upton announced to teammates and coaches Monday that he had been motivated to study the hitting capacity of wood, the naturally occurring organic lignin-cellulose composite. "I decided to acquire a number of books about wood from the library, and I was quite surprised to read that wood comes from trees or shrubs," said Upton, who admitted that the new information had precipitated a personal paradigm shift in regard to his assumptions about baseball bats. "While there is some knowledge I can acquire from reading, I believe it will eventually be necessary to perform a number of trials to test the interactions of kinetic energy, acceleration, wood, and ball in a controlled batting-cage environment." In 2007, Upton conducted an experiment to determine the number of stitches on a baseball, but abandoned the endeavor when he concluded that baseballs were too curvy to establish a proper tally.

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