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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Suicide Note Makes Convincing Case

SHERMAN OAKS, CA—Though friends and family of Michael Swinton, 15, were initially devastasted upon hearing the news of his recent suicide, many agreed Thursday that the explanatory note he penned prior to his death made surprisingly compelling points supporting his decision to take his own life.

"At first, all I could think was what a tragedy it was that he'd thrown away his life like this," said Swinton's mother, Debra. "But I was ultimately swayed by the part in which he talked about how he no longer wanted to be an emotional burden on everyone, and how everything would be easier if he were gone. It's hard to argue with that kind of logic."

According to Swinton's father, Charles, burying a child is the worst thing for a parent to endure, but at least the note explained that he will no longer have to feel guilty when showering his younger, more athletic son with love and attention.

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