adBlockCheck

Recent News

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
End Of Section
  • More News

Suicide Note Makes Convincing Case

SHERMAN OAKS, CA—Though friends and family of Michael Swinton, 15, were initially devastasted upon hearing the news of his recent suicide, many agreed Thursday that the explanatory note he penned prior to his death made surprisingly compelling points supporting his decision to take his own life.

"At first, all I could think was what a tragedy it was that he'd thrown away his life like this," said Swinton's mother, Debra. "But I was ultimately swayed by the part in which he talked about how he no longer wanted to be an emotional burden on everyone, and how everything would be easier if he were gone. It's hard to argue with that kind of logic."

According to Swinton's father, Charles, burying a child is the worst thing for a parent to endure, but at least the note explained that he will no longer have to feel guilty when showering his younger, more athletic son with love and attention.

More from this section

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close