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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Sullen Ryan Zimmerman Draws 'X' Next To Team's Name In Standings

WASHINGTON—Following the Nationals' most recent loss Sunday, witnesses reported seeing third baseman Ryan Zimmerman quietly marking a copy of The Washington Post with a small 'x' next to the team's name in the standings, just to see what it would look like if the Nationals had clinched a playoff spot. "See ya next week, Dodgers," Zimmerman muttered to himself in apparent reference to his team's imaginary first-round playoff opponent. According to sources, Zimmerman then went on to scribble a 'z' next to the Nationals' name saying, "Wow, best record in the National League. Looks like the road to the World Series goes right through good old Washington." Zimmerman then reportedly drew a "2" in front of his home run total, giving him 232 on the year.

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