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The Pros And Cons Of Gene Editing

Recent advancements in gene editing have introduced a number of exciting possibilities for human advancement and raised difficult ethical questions. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of gene editing.

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Sun Myung Moon Funeral To Be All Weird, Sources Report

GAPYEONG, SOUTH KOREA—Citing the myriad bizarre religious customs practiced by the Unification Church, sources told reporters Monday that they expect the funeral of recently deceased founder Rev. Sun Myung Moon to be all weird and shit. “I mean, the guy said he was the messiah, so it’s definitely going to be super freaky,” said Tsuyoshi Hwang, 31, who further speculated that a bunch of different people in outlandish outfits would likely make speeches and then maybe do some kind of strange group dance. “There will probably be some big weird altar and people will probably chant like a bunch of nutjobs while they put him into the ground. And there will definitely be some crazy-ass hats and stuff. That’s basically a given.” At press time, sources confirmed the ceremony would probably involve a point when all 3 million members of the odd cult commit suicide in a really weird way.

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