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Tips

How To Start A Community Garden

A community gardening project is a good way to spur neighborhood involvement, but it requires careful planning and logistics. Here are The Onion’s tips for starting a community garden:

Tips For Writing A Research Paper

Students at every level of the education system are required to write the occasional research paper, and some might wonder where to begin. The Onion provides some tips for writing a stellar paper:

Home Repair Tips

When projects need to be completed around the house, calling contractors can be expensive. Here are The Onion’s tips for do-it-yourself home repairs:

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

How To Throw The Perfect Surprise Party

A surprise party is a nice gesture for a friend or family member, but pulling one off requires careful planning and commitment. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing a surprise party:
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Sun Safety Tips

When summer rolls around, everybody wants that perfect tan--but it's important to play it smart. Here are some tips for safe, sensible tanning:

  • Block out harmful UV rays with giant magnifying glass
  • Always sit at least 100 yards from sun
  • When applying sunscreen, get children on the beach to help with those hard-to-reach spots
  • UV rays can damage the corneas; don't forget to rub a good sunscreen into your eyes
  • Risk of sunburn is especially high while swimming; strap on a thick lead suit before entering water
  • Instead of using our sun, sunbathe using safer, more distant star like Beta-Sirius
  • When tanning, always alternate who's on top
  • Avoid harmful UV rays; live underground until your descendants evolve into eyeless, albino mole people
  • Before going outside, check sun's strength by placing test baby in driveway for 1/2 hour
  • Stabbings, while tanning or not, are very dangerous—avoid them
  • For those raised in a red-sun environment, yellow sun may cause superpowers; use only for good
  • Tanning is safest when done in short spurts; disrobe for just a couple of seconds every few blocks while walking through town
  • Allow thick, protective melanoma to grow all over skin
  • Avoid suntanning on inner planets like Mercury and Venus
  • Coat body in "seagull-nip"; wait for protective coat of seagulls to cover body

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