‘Sunday NFL Countdown’ Crew Gives Some Dumb Fucking Demonstration On Fake Field

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Vol 49 Issue 47

FCC May Allow Cell Phone Calls On Flights

The Federal Communications Commission is considering lifting the ban on cell phone calls on flights when the plane is above 10,000 feet, though calls would still be disallowed during takeoff and landing.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

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‘Sunday NFL Countdown’ Crew Gives Some Dumb Fucking Demonstration On Fake Field

BRISTOL, CT—Sources confirmed this evening that ESPN’s Sunday NFL Countdown crew is currently giving some dumb fucking demonstration on a fake field in their studio. Initial reports indicate that Cris Carter and Keyshawn Johnson are taking off their jackets and lining up three goddamn feet away from each other as quarterback and wide receiver to explain how a corner route works, though it remains unclear as to how this is pertinent information for tonight’s game. Christ, now Mike Ditka’s coming over to line up as a linebacker or defensive end and pretending to pass-rush Carter in slow motion. Those close to the situation say everybody just froze mid-play so Carter could explain some bullshit about looking off the safety that isn’t even there. According to witnesses, Johnson just caught the ball that was barely flicked to him and is now dancing while Ditka mumbles some forced trash talk about sacking Carter if this had been a real game. At press time, the stupid segment still wasn’t over yet.

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