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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Super Bowl Blood Test Reveals Jim, John Harbaugh Have Different Fathers

NEW ORLEANS—In a stunning revelation, doctors announced at a press conference Thursday that mandatory Super Bowl blood testing proved that head coaches Jim and John Harbaugh do not share the same father. “The Paternity Index from our DNA profiling analysis shows conclusive evidence that Jack Harbaugh is John’s father, but Jim is in fact the product of a relationship between his mother and another man,” said Dr. Gabriel Hosea, adding that the identity of the man in question “will not be made public at this current juncture.” “I have already informed the Harbaughs, and while this was obviously shocking news to members of their family, we simply ask that you respect their privacy during this difficult time.” At press time, sources within the 49ers organization confirmed that Jim Harbaugh had just left New Orleans to seek out his real father.

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