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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Super Bowl Football To Be Slightly Bigger

TAMPA BAY, FL—In an equipment regulation change calculated to increase viewer interest in professional football's championship game, National Football League officials announced Monday that the footballs used in the Super Bowl would be somewhat bigger than their regular-season counterparts. "The length of the ball will be increased from 11 inches to 14, which will make the ball about a yard around at its widest point when inflated to the new pressure of 48 pounds per square inch," the NFL Rules Committee announced Monday. "We believe this will bring a new dimension to both the passing and running games. Good luck." In light of the new football size, coaches for both the Steelers and Cardinals are advising their players to wear gloves, carry the ball with both arms at all times, and lift with their legs and not their backs when recovering fumbles.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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