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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Super Bowl Packs Up, Leaves Town In 40-Wagon Train

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Packing away the turf, goalposts, and scoreboards into colorful wooden wagons, Super Bowl roustabouts dismantled MetLife Stadium Monday and left town in a convoy of 40 horse-drawn vehicles.

“There was great commotion when we first heard the Super Bowl was coming through—and what a thrilling spectacle it was!” said George Calley, noting that many local children skipped school and snuck down to see Roger Goodell’s Famous Super Bowl and its “Dazzling, Death-Defying Football Feats.” “Now there’s just an empty dirt lot full of peanut shells and beer cups, but I know no one will soon forget the acrobatic catches or the defensive linemen’s terrifying roars when they made their tackles.”

“Folks around these parts aren’t so much used to such excitement, I reckon,” added the New York City resident.

Arriving at the Meadowlands Fairgrounds, local residents showed up in droves reportedly hoping for one last glimpse of the “World’s Greatest Stars of the Gridiron” before the crew folded the main media tent and the Traveling Super Bowl Show pulled up stakes and left for good.

“I just loved all the vibrant costumes that they were wearing,” said New Jersey native Mary Thompson, who marveled at the “Stupendous Exhibition of Strong Men.” “It was so exciting. There were times I couldn’t help but cover my eyes.”

While they watched the Super Bowl train head out on the Western trail to its next destination in far-off Ari-Zona, local residents admitted that they were saddened to see all the Broncos and Seahawks forced into such small cages.

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