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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
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Super Bowl Party Host Screams At Guests For Lackluster First-Half Snacking

CHICAGO—Blasting the group’s “absolutely pathetic” first-half snacking effort, Super Bowl party host Glenn Warren reportedly flew into a wild rage Sunday, screaming at guests to start munching with some intensity. “Come on, we’re getting crushed out there—we only racked up 44 chips in the first half,” said Warren, who sources confirmed was angrily pacing up and down the living room. “I want to see four or five people swarming to the dip. On the last drive, not even one of you touched the damn guacamole. We need to make our presence felt and really hit that veggie platter. It’s crunch time.” At press time, Warren was frantically yelling at guests to jump on a loose cheese ball.

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