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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Super Bowl Party Host Screams At Guests For Lackluster First-Half Snacking

CHICAGO—Blasting the group’s “absolutely pathetic” first-half snacking effort, Super Bowl party host Glenn Warren reportedly flew into a wild rage Sunday, screaming at guests to start munching with some intensity. “Come on, we’re getting crushed out there—we only racked up 44 chips in the first half,” said Warren, who sources confirmed was angrily pacing up and down the living room. “I want to see four or five people swarming to the dip. On the last drive, not even one of you touched the damn guacamole. We need to make our presence felt and really hit that veggie platter. It’s crunch time.” At press time, Warren was frantically yelling at guests to jump on a loose cheese ball.

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