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Sports

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Super Bowl Security Breached As Regular Football Fan Finds Way Into Stadium

ARLINGTON, TX—Security officials admitted Monday that 25-year-old Michael Thillens, a normal Packers fan with no connection to any corporate sponsor or multimillion-dollar Dallas business, somehow entered Cowboys Stadium and was able to watch his team play in the Super Bowl for two quarters Sunday before being apprehended. "First off, I don't know how an actual fan of one of these teams got a ticket to the game, but that's for another day," said security director Mel Janicki, who stressed that every year authorities do their very best to make sure sponsors, friends of sponsors, curious millionaires, high-level league employees, and celebrities are allowed to attend the Super Bowl in a safe and stable environment. "We should have been more suspicious when he entered the stadium wearing all that Green Bay apparel, but we get a lot of rich investors who bring their kids and buy a bunch of team clothing before the game just for the fun of it." Janicki said that Thillens gave himself away by being the only person in the stadium who cared about the game's outcome.

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