Super Bowl Still Hasn't Happened Yet

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Vol 47 Issue 05

Tom Becker's Testimony

The Supreme Court recently ruled that the First Amendment no longer applied to idiotic blowhard, Tom Becker.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Super Bowl Still Hasn't Happened Yet

ARLINGTON, TX—Despite the overwhelming media hype, countless interviews with players and coaches, and considerable speculation about the big game since the conference champions earned Super Bowl berths nearly two weeks ago, Super Bowl XLV still hasn't happened yet. "It feels like it should have happened last Sunday, but it didn't," Ohio-area football fan Jared Britton told reporters Friday, adding that instead of the Super Bowl, the Pro Bowl happened. "So I guess there's still two more days. Well, three if you count today. Doesn't it feel like it should have happened already?" As of press time, the Super Bowl still hasn't happened.

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