Super Priest Can Turn Anything Into Body, Blood Of Christ

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Vol 42 Issue 38

$2 Billion Environment Pledge

Richard Branson, the eccentric head of the Virgin Group, has pledged two billion dollars to fight global warming. What do you think?

Bloodless Thai Coup

Thailand went through a bloodless coup while the President was out in the United States to address the United Nations. That do you think?
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Super Priest Can Turn Anything Into Body, Blood Of Christ

TAOS, NM—Father Thomas Mandow appears to be a simple, mild-mannered parish priest, but his remarkable faith and surpassing holiness have bestowed him with the awesome power to transform just about anything into the body and blood of Jesus Christ. "I can state, without indulging myself in the sin of pride, that I have been blessed with the ability to convert anything into a Communion sacrament—which must be used for good—and then be partaken of in remembrance of our Lord and Savior," said Mandow in a press conference where he displayed a transubstantiated 24-piece bucket of chicken, a 64-oz. Mountain Dew bottle, and the September 2 issue of Sports Illustrated. "Although I would not advise eating all of these items for reasons having nothing to do with their intrinsic holiness." Mandow believes he received the dangerous gift of super-consecration after being bitten by a radioactive bishop.

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