adBlockCheck

Sports

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
End Of Section
  • More News

Superstitious Baseball Player Always Steps Into Batter’s Box Before Swinging At Pitches

MILWAUKEE—While speaking to reporters prior to Saturday’s game against the St. Louis Cardinals, Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun admitted he consistently follows an elaborate, superstitious routine in which he always makes sure to step into the batter’s box before swinging at pitches. “I know it’s crazy, but I’ve just got to have my feet planted firmly in that box before I’ll even so much as look at a pitch,” said Braun, noting that his complex at-bat ritual also includes gripping his bat with both hands and making sure to face the pitcher at all times. “A lot of the guys make fun of me because I’m always tapping my bat on the plate to make sure I’m positioned correctly and putting most of my weight on my back leg before taking a hack, but, really, baseball players all have weird little quirks like that. Hey, whatever works, you know?” The superstitious ballplayer added that he also follows the game’s more traditionally observed practices, such as making sure to step directly on the foul lines when coming on or off the field and enthusiastically discussing a no-hitter in progress to make sure the pitcher is aware of it.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close