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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Surgeon General Recommends Twisting Head Far Enough Until You Hear Little Pop

WASHINGTON—Describing the act as small but incredibly satisfying, U.S. surgeon general Vivek Murthy urged all Americans Thursday to twist their head far enough until they hear a little pop. “We strongly advise everyone to pivot their head in one direction and just keep going until you hear a good crack,” said Murthy at a press conference, adding that citizens should not just stop there but to make sure to do the other side as well. “It might take a few tries, but you’ll definitely feel a solid pop when it happens. You can put your palm on the bottom of your chin in case you need a little extra push. We also recommend rolling your head around a bit afterward—get it nice and loose.” Murthy later advised Americans, once they’ve twisted their head, to crack all their knuckles one by one.

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