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The Pros And Cons Of Gene Editing

Recent advancements in gene editing have introduced a number of exciting possibilities for human advancement and raised difficult ethical questions. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of gene editing.

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Surgeon General Warns Teens Cinnamon Challenge Is Not For Pussies

WASHINGTON—According to an announcement Tuesday by the Surgeon General’s office, the “cinnamon challenge”—a new fad in which teens attempt to swallow spoonfuls of cinnamon without water—may be hazardous to pansy-ass teens who aren’t cool enough to handle it. “Spice-induced choking and aspiration cases can result in coughing, vomiting, and, in severe cases, pneumonia when undertaken by a total pussy who clearly has never been laid,” said U.S. Surgeon General Regina M. Benjamin, adding that lame little bitches who probably aren’t popular and will never be popular should refrain from inhaling powdered tree bark. “It is the recommendation of this office that if you’re not the type of person who will cry home to mommy because of a little toxic exposure to cinnamic aldehyde, you should take the challenge. Everyone else is doing it.” Benjamin went on to say, “Come on, it’ll be hilarious.”

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