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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Surinamese Man Struggling To Write The Great Surinamese Novel

BROKOPONDO, SURINAME—Aspiring author Nikklis Doekhie said Monday that he continues in his struggle to write the Great Surinamese Novel. "I want this book to capture the essence of the Surinamese experience," Doekhie said. "Dési, the wide-eyed protagonist, quits his job in a bauxite mine to hitchhike from Paramaribo to Alalapadu, searching for his piece of the Surinamese Dream." Doekhie said he hopes to pitch the book to Suriname's publishing house this fall.

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