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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Suspension Of Disbelief Goes Unrewarded

SCHAUMBURG, IL—Summoned in an effort to enjoy a two-hour feature film, 33-year-old Geoffrey Spalding's willing suspension of disbelief reportedly went unrewarded Saturday. "It wasn't easy, but I held up my end of the deal," Spalding said of the mental effort he put forth to accept the invented premises of a fictional world and temporarily disregard their implausibility. "What do I get in return? A thoughtful exploration of our inward nature transferred to an imaginative context? A semblance of truth confronted through a skillful narrative process? Nope, I don't get shit." Spalding added that if he could be enraptured by a rat who aspires to be a chef and a man who ages backward, then being entertained by a young ballet dancer discovering her dark side should have been a breeze.

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