Sweating, Shaking Man Never Going to Spend A Little Time With His Thoughts Again

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Vol 48 Issue 10

How Sturdy Is That?

HGTV 5:00 p.m. EST/4:00 p.m. CST Host Bryan Lowd leans against a shed in Tulsa, jumps on a floorboard in Denver, and sits on five rocking chairs in front of a live studio audience.

Negative Nancies

ABC 1:00 p.m. EST/12:00 p.m. CST Nancy Grace, Nancy Kerrigan, and Nancy Pelosi talk about how bad the environment's getting and how sad it is nobody knows their neighbors anymore.

College Graduates Making 8% to 11% Less

According to the Economic Policy Institute, female college graduates are making 7.6 percent less than they did 10 years ago, while their male counterparts are making 11 percent less.

North Korean Relations May Be Thawing

Last week, North Korea announced it would suspend nuclear weapons tests and uranium enrichment in exchange for food aid, possibly signaling a desire for renewed negotiations with the United States. Here are some other ways relations will improve: ...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Sweating, Shaking Man Never Going to Spend A Little Time With His Thoughts Again

LOS ALAMOS, NM—Describing it as a harrowing ordeal that he "wouldn't wish on his worst enemy," badly shaken 39-year-old senior account manager Daniel Tillison told reporters Friday he would never again spend a few minutes alone with his thoughts. "My God, it was just awful—that's the last time I ever take a moment to myself to reflect," a profusely sweating Tillison said before unsteadily pouring a large glass of whiskey and drinking it down in a single gulp. "The worst part is, I actually did this to myself. I actually said, 'I think I'd like a little time alone to think about some things.' Then, for a few brief, horrible moments, I looked deep within myself and saw who I really was. It was honestly the scariest, most nauseating experience of my life." Tillison said that if he ever again found himself alone and without the distractions of music, the Internet, television, or video games, he would repeatedly hit himself in the head with the handiest large blunt object to prevent any sort of return to his own innermost thoughts.

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