adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Sweeping New Labor Reforms Allow Foxconn Employees To Work In Inhumane Conditions From Home

BEIJING—Following an independent audit that uncovered major labor violations in Chinese factories responsible for producing iPhones, iPads, and numerous other Apple products, electronics manufacturer Foxconn agreed Thursday to sweeping new reforms that will allow laborers to work in dangerous and inhumane conditions from the comfort of their own homes. "We have enacted several new policies that make it possible for employees to put in grueling, poorly compensated 100-hour workweeks from their place of residence, whether that's an inadequately ventilated hut they share with their extended family in a rural village or an overcrowded, toxin-ridden dormitory right here on the Foxconn campus," company chairman Terry Gou said in a statement to the press. "Our new labor-friendly policies provide remote access to the factory's hazardous chemicals and combustible electrical equipment, as well as to the brutal stress levels that drive employees to suicide." Gou added that new maternity-leave packages would allow women to continue assembling MacBook Pros from a hospital bed while giving birth.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close