adBlockCheck

Recent News

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
End Of Section
  • More News

Sweeping New Labor Reforms Allow Foxconn Employees To Work In Inhumane Conditions From Home

BEIJING—Following an independent audit that uncovered major labor violations in Chinese factories responsible for producing iPhones, iPads, and numerous other Apple products, electronics manufacturer Foxconn agreed Thursday to sweeping new reforms that will allow laborers to work in dangerous and inhumane conditions from the comfort of their own homes. "We have enacted several new policies that make it possible for employees to put in grueling, poorly compensated 100-hour workweeks from their place of residence, whether that's an inadequately ventilated hut they share with their extended family in a rural village or an overcrowded, toxin-ridden dormitory right here on the Foxconn campus," company chairman Terry Gou said in a statement to the press. "Our new labor-friendly policies provide remote access to the factory's hazardous chemicals and combustible electrical equipment, as well as to the brutal stress levels that drive employees to suicide." Gou added that new maternity-leave packages would allow women to continue assembling MacBook Pros from a hospital bed while giving birth.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close