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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Syracuse Leaves Big East For Woman Named 'Misti'

SYRACUSE, NY—In a hastily delivered statement from the passenger side of the young woman’s lime-green Hyundai Tiburon, Syracuse University announced Sunday it was leaving the Big East, the conference it helped create more than 30 years ago, for a 23-year-old exotic dancer and vodka brand ambassador named “Misti.” “We’ve had a nice run with the Big East, but we think Misti has more to offer us,” said Syracuse athletic director Daryl Gross, crediting the woman for bringing a “renewed sense of purpose” to the 141-year-old research institution. “We have had some good times—great times, actually, really great—with the Big East, and we hope we can continue to maintain a friendly relationship, but we think it’s time for us to pursue other options.” Gross quickly added that the young woman is “really smart” and wants to go to school to become a dental hygienist, which is perfect, because they are a school.

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