T-Shirt Machine Gun To Change The Face Of Promotional Warfare

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Vol 44 Issue 49

Shitload Of Math Due Monday

OLD BRIDGE, NJ—Students dreaded spending all day Sunday with some retarded math book, especially one that doesn't have any of the freaking answers in the back.
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T-Shirt Machine Gun To Change The Face Of Promotional Warfare

LANGLEY, VA—Engineers at the Fun Gun Air Cannon Co. announced Tuesday that initial field tests of the TG-71 Rapid-Fire T-shirt Delivery System, a powerful new advertising weapon that experts say will revolutionize the way marketing ground campaigns are conducted, have been an overwhelming success. "The TG-71 can accurately fire up to 60 T-shirts into an unsuspecting target audience in under 10 seconds," chief engineer Bill Naylor said while brandishing a prototype of the gun, which has already secured the company a lucrative brand-defense contract with PepsiCo. "It performed extremely well in both sporting event and rock concert settings. Pound for pound, this baby is unmatched for sheer promotional firepower." Naylor refused to comment on the current status of the experimental XTG-52, a T-shirt sniper rifle that will purportedly be capable of delivering a logo-covered projectile into the lap of a child from more than a mile away.

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