adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Table Tennis Star Wang Hao Out 4 Weeks With Sprained Knuckle

CHANGCHUN, JILIN PROVINCE—In a devastating turn of events that has shocked and saddened the world's sport fans, the earth's premiere athlete and No. 1–ranked table tennis superstar Wang Hao will be sidelined for a month after suffering a right knuckle sprain on his glorious index finger while training with intensity and grit. Wang, who partially tore the collateral ligament and damaged the proximal interphalangeal joint when his powerful finger slammed into the Masonite table surface in order to return service with infinite precision, is currently unable to maintain his famous pen-hold grip without acute physical discomfort, despite his superhuman tolerance for pain. Wang Hao is currently undergoing numerous MRIs and receiving many treatments and surgeries of the arthroscopic variety. Regardless of the setback, Chinese table tennis dominance is assured.鱼

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close