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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Taco Bell Employee Somehow Dressed Down By Manager

DETROIT—Improbably, Taco Bell employee Wayne Lorimer, 28, was dressed down by manager Cal Dyer Tuesday. "I thought I was already cut down to size just by working here," said Lorimer, a former Ford auto worker laid off earlier this year. "But Cal's lecture about paying more attention to the proper way to apply sour cream if I want to remain a valued member of the Taco Bell family, that managed to lower me even more." Lorimer said he thinks Dyer might be right out of high school.

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