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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Tall Young Girl Told She Should Play Basketball

CHELMSFORD, MA—Based on her above- average height, the presence of two functional arms, and the near certainty that she was a student enrolled at a junior high school, it was suggested by a family friend Tuesday that 13-year-old Hannah Jeffers try out for her school's basketball team. "Wow, you've really grown," neighbor Tom Pike told Jeffers at a recent neighborhood cookout. "Ever play basketball? You should." When Jeffers expressed ambivalence about the idea, Pike cited the same physical and demographic characteristics in proposing she try volleyball.

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