Tape Dispensed

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How Democrats Are Preparing For Their First Debate

The first Democratic presidential debate will be held Tuesday, and the candidates are expected to battle it out over issues as wide-ranging as gun control, climate change, and wealth inequality in America. Here’s how the candidates are preparing for the debate

Woman Stalked Across 8 Websites By Obsessed Shoe Advertisement

LAWRENCEVILLE, GA—Expressing her growing unease at repeatedly spotting the same picture and text lurking in the corners of her favorite webpages, local woman Laura Spelman confirmed Monday that she has been stalked across eight different sites by an obsessed Nine West shoe advertisement.
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Tape Dispensed

PULASKI, TN—A two-inch stretch of 3M Scotch™ adhesive tape was dispensed Monday by a Swingline™ tape dispenser. "I am impressed beyond words by the exemplary performance of this office appliance," said Pulaski-area payroll secretary Julie Glass following the successful tape dispensation. "Less than three seconds after I desired a memorandum affixed to a larger document, the tape was dispensed and the pieces of paper attached to one another. I was barely aware of the dispenser's existence, so smoothly and unobtrusively did it operate."