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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Target Pulls All Sponsorship From Publicly Ignored Syrian Conflict

MINNEAPOLIS—Retail giant Target announced Monday that, due to a complete lack of public interest or attention in the conflict, the company is ending its sponsorship of the ongoing civil war in Syria. “Unfortunately there just haven’t been enough eyeballs on this brutal crisis in Syria, so we’re officially pulling the plug on our endorsement,” said CEO Gregg Steinhafel, adding that the two-year, $70 million sponsorship deal, which placed Target logos and advertisements on rebel tanks, Bashar al-Assad’s presidential palace, and rubble from bombings in Damascus and Aleppo, would cease immediately. “We thought the global exposure of the mass murders of more than 20,000 innocent civilians and protesters by the Syrian government would be the perfect opportunity to advertise our great deals on Bella kitchen appliances and our stunning new line of Target-exclusive Merona shirts for men and women. But no one really seems to be paying much attention to the civil war at all, so we can no longer justify the investment.” Steinhafel confirmed that, despite the end of the sponsorship deal, the winner of Target’s “Win a Dinner Date with al-Assad” raffle would still receive the prize.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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