Apr. 15 is rapidly approaching, and if you haven't filed your taxes yet, you'd better get started on them. Here are some tips to help you through this tough time of year:
When beginning your tax forms, make sure to do that thing where you make your calculator read "BOOBS" upside down right away so you don't get sidetracked later.
Pay your owed taxes in pennies. That will get you on the Yahoo! News front page, and it will most certainly make the IRS feel foolish.
Not putting that little dash through all of your sevens will result in a prison term of up to three years.
You will save significant time between now and the filing deadline if you complete all of your forms in a blind, sweaty panic 12 minutes before they are due.
If you are Yngwie Malmsteen, you can write off your subscription to Guitar World.
Screw over the IRS and save time and money by making less than $8,950 a year.
Here's a way to make taxes more fun and save money: Ask your friends for any old receipts they're not using, then make up stories for each one to tell the auditors.
Be courteous and include a sheet of scratch paper with your forms for the IRS to do math on.
Doing taxes can be a very long and arduous process, full of legal loopholes and pitfalls. Find someone else to file your client's forms.
It's not widely publicized, but now that all taxpayers are part owners of Merrill Lynch, you can use their bathrooms.
Not once does the Constitution of the United States of America mention an income tax. Keep screaming that when they take you to court for nonpayment of taxes.
Filling out your 1040EZ can be frustrating, but screaming at your wife, smashing a glass against the wall, and striking your child is never the right thing to do. You need form 4Y-1098 for that.