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Taxpayer Outraged

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts
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Taxpayer Outraged

PETERSBURG, VA—Claiming that this is unacceptable and he just won’t stand for it, a local taxpayer expressed outrage Tuesday, sources confirmed. “This is an outrage,” said the visibly angry man, who indicated that he pays federal, state, and local taxes. “Can you believe this crap?” A second local taxpayer standing nearby reportedly voiced his agreement with the man, stating that, indeed, this crap was an outrage and not to be believed.

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