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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Taylor Swift Now Dating Suri Cruise

NEW YORK—Following her recent string of high-profile relationships, including a romance earlier this week with Garfield cartoonist Jim Davis, singer-songwriter Taylor Swift is now dating Suri Cruise, sources confirmed today. “Taylor and Suri were seen grabbing lunch at a Thai restaurant in SoHo earlier this afternoon, and we can confirm that the two are now officially an item,” TMZ reporter Allison Raeber wrote of the budding romance between the 23-year-old pop star and the 6-year-old daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, nicknaming the couple “Saylor.” “Fans spotted the two holding hands on the way out of the restaurant, and Taylor was even seen giving Suri a quick peck on the lips before getting into a car.” At press time, sources reported that Swift had just entered Cruise’s apartment building in downtown Manhattan.

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