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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Taylor Swift Now Dating Watertown Boat

BOSTON—Following a string of highly publicized breakups, sources confirmed today that singer-songwriter Taylor Swift is now dating the 22-foot Watertown, MA Sea Hawk pleasure cruiser in which alleged Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokar Tsarnaev sought shelter while evading the FBI Friday. “Taylor was seen cozying up to the Watertown boat over dessert at Finale last night, and we can confirm that the two are officially an item,” Hollywoodlife.com blogger Bonnie Fuller reported of the budding romance between the 23-year-old multiplatinum crooner and the bloodied, bullet-ridden watercraft, nicknaming the couple “Swiftboat.” “Fans said that Taylor nuzzled up to the boat all night, even wearing its tarp out of the restaurant and playfully kissing its hull. Taylor has said she wanted to date a normal, small-town kind of guy for some time now, and this unassuming Watertown boat seems like the perfect fit for her.” At press time, sources confirmed the besotted pair were taking a romantic cruise of the Charles River.

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