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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Taylor Swift Now In Long-Distance Relationship With Curiosity Rover

NEW YORK—Slowing things down after a string of on-again, off-again romances, sources confirmed today that pop star Taylor Swift is currently in a long-distance relationship with NASA’s Curiosity Rover. “Taylor is really serious about Curiosity, and even though the distance is tough, she’s determined to make the relationship work,” Defamer.com writer Katie Jensen said of the 23-year-old country crooner and the six-wheeled automated motor vehicle, nicknaming the couple “Trover.” “Taylor has visited Mars every chance she’s gotten, but she’s not crazy about the temperature, and would prefer it if Curiosity moved to L.A. at some point down the road. Still, she’s definitely in love and she would move to the Red Planet in a heartbeat if Curiosity asked her.” At press time, sources confirmed the infatuated Swift was sending private X-band radio waves to the rover’s UHF antenna.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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