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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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Tea Party Congressman Listens To Constituent Who Wears Thomas Jefferson Costume Everywhere

WINNSBORO, SC—At a town hall meeting Monday sponsored by Tea Party affiliate FreedomWorks, sources confirmed that Rep. Mick Mulvaney (R-SC) seriously listened and responded to several points raised by a constituent wearing a Thomas Jefferson costume complete with brass-buttoned waistcoat, velveteen breeches, and tricorn hat. “You make a great point, sir, and I am here to fight for people like you,” the congressman said to the man in a powdered wig who was carrying a giant Declaration of Independence poster board and who wears his Thomas Jefferson costume not just to political meetings, but every time he leaves his home. “When I get out of the D.C. bubble and come back to South Carolina and talk to voters, that’s when I remember the folks like yourself who sent me to Washington.” Following the meeting, Mulvaney spoke for 45 minutes with a local business owner and his wife, both of whom said the government shutdown was a good thing, and both of whom were dressed as Paul Revere.

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