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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Tea Party Plans To Recruit More Coloreds This Fall

CARSON CITY, NV—In an effort to promote diversity within their political base, national Tea Party leaders gathered today in Nevada's capital to announce their intention to embrace more coloreds in the lead-up to the 2010 midterm elections. "We're bringing new voices and perspectives into the movement every day, and the addition of some more coloreds is only the beginning," Tea Party spokesman Michael Kealey told reporters, adding that he was "excited to welcome Negroes into the fold." "The time has come for everyone, Orientals even, to take America back." Kealey went on to say that the inclusion of homos in the movement would be "out of the question," unless they were the normal kind.

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