Tea Party Plans To Recruit More Coloreds This Fall

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Vol 46 Issue 42

Report: Fans Enjoy Waving Things Around

NEW YORK—A joint report from all professional and amateur sporting leagues unanimously confirmed Thursday that fans enjoy waving random things around, typically above their heads, while attending athletic events.

NFL Scores Big Ratings With Rare Live Episode

GREEN BAY, WI—At a press conference Monday, NFL officials touted the success of a special live episode of Sunday Night Football, confirming that more than 19 million viewers had tuned in to watch players on the Vikings and Packers play in rea...

A-Rod Finally Leads Rangers To World Series

ARLINGTON, TX—Ten years after signing a record $252 million contract to play baseball in Texas, third baseman Alex Rodriguez finally delivered for the Rangers by leading the franchise to its first-ever World Series.

Kobe Bryant Just Not Into It This Year

LOS ANGELES—Two-time NBA Finals MVP Kobe Bryant, who claims he typically looks forward to the 82-game professional basketball season, told reporters Friday that he's "just not feeling it" this year.
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Tea Party Plans To Recruit More Coloreds This Fall

CARSON CITY, NV—In an effort to promote diversity within their political base, national Tea Party leaders gathered today in Nevada's capital to announce their intention to embrace more coloreds in the lead-up to the 2010 midterm elections. "We're bringing new voices and perspectives into the movement every day, and the addition of some more coloreds is only the beginning," Tea Party spokesman Michael Kealey told reporters, adding that he was "excited to welcome Negroes into the fold." "The time has come for everyone, Orientals even, to take America back." Kealey went on to say that the inclusion of homos in the movement would be "out of the question," unless they were the normal kind.

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