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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Teacher Bitches About Paycheck To Sixth-Grade Class

BOZEMAN, MT—Lakecrest Elementary School teacher Dana Frankel bitched to her sixth-graders about her "crap salary" shortly after receiving a paycheck Monday. "How am I supposed to pay for anything on this kind of income?" asked Frankel midway through a math lesson. "And now the brake pads on my Nissan need replacing. Gee, guess I'll just have to hope for the best next time I hit a red light." Frankel then got the disrupted lesson back on track by using her dwindling 401K plan as an example of negative numbers.

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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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