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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Teacher Just Hopes They Never Google Him

KETTERING, OH—After completing his first day at Fairmont High School on Tuesday, history teacher Ted Wilkinson reportedly spent most of the evening desperately praying that none of his new students ever feel inclined to Google him. "No doubt about it, if one of them decides to look me up, that's all she wrote," said Wilkinson, noting that the consequences might be even worse if anyone thought to run a Google image search on him, "God forbid with the SafeSearch filter turned off." "I mean, they wouldn't, right? Why would any of those kids bother Googling me? There's no reason to think they would." Sources confirmed a panicking Wilkinson later updated his résumé after realizing that when you type his name into Google, it's the first result.

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