Teacher Just Hopes They Never Google Him

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Vol 48 Issue 34

Law & Order: D.A.R.E. Unit

NBC 8:00 p.m. EDT/7:00 p.m. CDT In this heart-wrenching episode, Detectives Ollie West and Bailey Swan are forced to arrest a kid who is so addicted to marijuana-smoking that he was rejected by every college he applied to and got caught up in shoplifting...

Annette and Barrett Carnell

Longtime married couple Annette and Barrett Carnell died last night side by side, bickering about who was bleeding out the worst.

Nathan Kroger

Nathan Kroger was crushed by a hay bale, which sounds like it might be light, but this hay bale happened to be extremely heavy.
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Teacher Just Hopes They Never Google Him

KETTERING, OH—After completing his first day at Fairmont High School on Tuesday, history teacher Ted Wilkinson reportedly spent most of the evening desperately praying that none of his new students ever feel inclined to Google him. "No doubt about it, if one of them decides to look me up, that's all she wrote," said Wilkinson, noting that the consequences might be even worse if anyone thought to run a Google image search on him, "God forbid with the SafeSearch filter turned off." "I mean, they wouldn't, right? Why would any of those kids bother Googling me? There's no reason to think they would." Sources confirmed a panicking Wilkinson later updated his résumé after realizing that when you type his name into Google, it's the first result.

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