Teacher Sees Potential In Student With Glasses

Top Headlines

Recent News

Most Likely Candidates For Trump’s Cabinet

If elected president, Donald Trump will have the opportunity to nominate up to 15 cabinet members, each advising him on executive departments. Here are the most rumored choices for Trump’s inner circle.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Teacher Sees Potential In Student With Glasses

BALTIMORE—While taking roll during the first day of school yesterday, Algebra II teacher Gary Wandel said he thought eighth-grader Zachary McCoy, who was wearing wire-rimmed high-prescription eye glasses, had the appearance of an academic standout. "I look forward to discovering that Zach is a sophisticated, smart student who studies and loves to read," Wandel said. "I didn't assign any homework the first day, but it wouldn't surprise me if Zach decides to take a crack at the first two chapters." Wandel said he would most likely ignore the student who wore khaki pants, saying that just because a student has rich parents does not mean he should expect special treatment.


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close