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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Teacher Wishes She Could Inspire One Of The More Popular Students

GRESHAM, OR—After spending half an hour Monday instilling much-needed confidence in one of her most timid freshmen, Sam Barlow High School English teacher Karen Norgren, 48, expressed her desire to one day inspire one of the school's more popular students. "It would be nice, just once, to make a real, lasting impression on a confident, athletic student with tons of friends," said Norgren, who has reportedly grown tired of encouraging "dowdy old Phil Van" every day after fourth period. "Someone like Jason Feightner, for instance. He's got that cool, devil-may-care attitude. Guys want to be him, and girls want to be with him. Why can't I push him to reach his full potential?" Norgren then reportedly waited around in the senior parking lot in case Whitney Olsen or some of her friends wanted to chat about Things Fall Apart.

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