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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Team Roadie Accidentally Sets Lakers' Basket 8 Feet High

NEW ORLEANS—The Lakers are claiming that burnout and fatigue during their long road swing led to a team roadie accidentally setting the basket at a sub-regulation 8 feet before their game against the Hornets Monday night. "We didn't even notice right away, but when Kobe jumped up for an alley-oop, hit his thighs on the top of the backboard, and tumbled behind it, we were all like, 'Dammit, Glenn!'" center Andrew Bynum said during a postgame press conference. "I mean, Glenn's a good guy, we love him, we'd have to do all that stuff ourselves if it wasn't for him and his crew, but how do you miss that?" The Lakers, who lost the game 108-100 due to unusually poor shooting from the field, said they were considering disciplinary action against the roadie, who had reportedly also failed to remove the brown M&Ms from the snack tray in the team's hotel suite.

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