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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Team Unsure Of What Fans Mean By 'Go!'

CHARLOTTE, NC—Saying the command was not very specific and lacked any real substance, confused members of the Carolina Panthers football team were forced to call a timeout Sunday so they could try to figure out what their fans meant by "Go!" "Did they think we might stop playing the game or something? Because we weren't going to do that. We're under contract," quarterback Cam Newton told reporters, adding that fans should be a little more clear next week in terms of what they want. "I don't think they were telling us to go in a specific direction, either. Like forward or to the left or something. Overall, it was just really frustrating." Following the press conference, the Panthers had a team meeting, assumed the fans wanted them to leave North Carolina, and moved the franchise to Los Angeles.

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